WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST KINDA REQUIRES SOME READING.

A bit of a retrospective on the mobile devices of the golden days. I've had numerous makes and models of various cellular devices but today we take a look at several years of memory with everyone's currently cool brand Blackberry™ manufactured by Reasearch in Motion or RIM. The first Blackberry™ was released in 1999 but we don't give a fuck about that. Oh shit, DGAFAT...

Anyways, here we have my cherry popper the 7280 back in 2002. She was a hand me down. It belonged to my boss and he had his ways with her and kicked her down to me. Yes, I'm a double dipper. A sloppy seconder. As you can imagine the rest. To receive work emails and fervent SMS texts made me an insta-bitch to the man, such is life. She wasn't black but clearly blue and that made for an interesting case of identity crisis. Surely you can relate...



After the novelty of a "blue" Blackberry™ wore off I made the following purchase of the 7290. Giving me a corporate credit card is the last thing I ever deserve. This model stands as the great American true-blue-collar-workhorse. Or whores, rather after having lived thru 3 of these setups. My "Bitches Wit Attitude" if you will. [1 not shown due to contractual trade in agreements]. I ran these shits right into the dirt. They performed just as well as the 7280 but were in black, duh. Moreover this was the introduction of a full color screen. A major plus whilst viewing lewd porn at Noah's Bagels. As you see I'd murdered them out by removing the screen bezel and branding badge. This life rhymes with nerd.



Due the increasingly numerous changes to the digital wireless phone network my Bitches were failing against upgrades due technological shortcomings and I unwillingly had to change up to this grand shitbag. The 8700. I hated this pile since the day I pulled it's lame ass out of the box. With an entirely new "flashy modern" design I knew she was a vain douche. Made of flimsy plastic and a non metal interior framework, this one got son'ed since gate. Although the OS had greatly improved workflow and the new keys made it compact in size my odd habit of drunkenly dropping and/or drunkly slamming on my mobile device kept me from truly bro'ing out with it. I'm a bastard and only the earlier 7290s could only hold up to the beatdowns I served up. This one suffered bodily damage and a cracked screen after being ice skated on down Hollywood Blvd.

R.I.P. you mark!



This my friends the is the "Jessica Alba x Blackberry™ Limited Edition 8300 Curve 1 of 1". Can't be a scrub to hold this one down. With a sticker price at shipping date close to 600 US dollars [after taxes] one must man up and act accordingly. With a sleek new frame and new OS this hot slut is a banger and I truly heart her like Church on Sunday. RIM swapped out her old side clickwheel for a dazzling illuminated pearl clit. Inn-sane. With having the ability to take pics, play music, video and web surf smoother you gotta treat her with respect and dignity. I went all out and kitted her with an aftermarket murdered out, rubberized jacket, a matching rubberized battery door, an extended life battery and a 2G memory card so I can load up volumes of Moz MP3s. That way I can easily get sad'ed out about not having a beer or a lady. Fuck it! I also gave her a clear plastic scratch guard for her face but when the air bubbles and dirt started getting in the mix I had to dead it. Them shits is like cell phone Botox. Nope!



So there you have it. 5 years plus of loyalty with RIM and the Blackberry™ Mobile PDA. Now knowing that I've toted them on my waistline for all these years, the morning I get a doctors note from Cedars stating my balls will have to take a forever vacation I'll know precisely who to thank.

-???????™